Under the Weather.

It's raining. 

Rain is good. 

Not when you're in a tuk, drenched and suffering in rush hour traffic.  

At home, by the window. Mid-day breeze on your face and a good book - Life is good.

Oh, and some Ribena too. 

All We Are

I kept falling over, I kept looking backward, I went broke believing that the simple should be hard.
I wasted, wasted love for you.
In the end the words won't matter because in the end, nothing stays the same and in the end dreams just scatter and fall like rain.


Love is worthless. Temporary bandaging and numbing of pain, maybe, but it leaves you broken when it decides to leave. And this is love, after all, and it works to it's own time so who knows when that'll be? 
Is it worth your tears? Just thinking about what could have been makes you cry. Cry at the happiest movie, cry when your heart should be rejoicing. 
Is it all it's cracked up to be? I personally don't think so.
It's all perfect on the surface. 
But below that, nothing is safe. 


I wanted it, a long time ago
And I thought I did not long ago too.


But I saw too much.
And it scared me.
So, for now, I'm staying clear.


The song is perfect, so real - we trade our heart and soul for moments that pass like *snap*
In the end, everything changes and it was all just a waste.
I only disagree with one thing Matt Nathanson has to say : 
And every day is a start of something beautiful, something real.
That, or it's just a beginning to a new chapter of heartbreak.

Stories

It's like a book, they say - just read your story aloud.
I'm sorry, but that's just not going to happen.

Before the words come memories and with the words come emotions and not necessarily happy ones.
More often than not, words and incidents you want to forget.
Deja vu of this kind isn't good for you. It takes you back and stuffs you in that context again - everything you did to get over it, be strong and pull through, all falls away. And you're back to square one - same anger, same tears, same broken heart.

Not again.

Return.

This is nice. The longer I go without pouring out what I want to say, the more things I have to leave out because there's simply too much anger in the words that come rushing from my...fingertips, in this case.
Nevertheless, when you're silenced in every other manner, what better to do that to type your sorrows away?

Why do we bother recording history? It just repeats itself anyway.

Safety First

I heard that someone had heard from someone else that the only people who will survive in this world, those who will be favoured by natural selection and the evolution process, are those who are cautious.
The revenge of the ultra-paranoid population. 
It's not impossible.
From experience over the years, I've realized that I'm one of those people. If something goes terribly wrong while doing Task A, I will stop doing Task A altogether and never do it again. I'll sit thinking for hours of the million other things that could have gone wrong, so much that I'm too freaked out to ever think of doing Task A again. 
I can't quite decide if this paranoia is just over-caution or some sort of psychological disturbance. Either way, if thinking about the possible negativities can save your life, then I'm paranoid.
To the rest of you, be careful.

Optipessimism.

Sam.F :  BE POSITIVE.

3:14am

One Invictus : I cannot.

3:14amSam.F : Why?

3:14am

One Invictus : I believe it was you who told me - ages ago - that it's better to be negative than be positive and have your hopes dashed...and it makes sense.

3:15am

Sam.F : Yes yes I did. But sometimes we mess things up constantly looking for the negativity, did you think that maybe sometimes it's what you bring upon yourself?

3:16am

One Invictus : Well, if we just let the positivity overwhelm us, we will be hit by reality and it'll be worse

3:16am

Sam. F :Don;t let it overwhelm you! Just let it flow through you! You need to let a litle bit of positivity seep in.

3:19am

One Invictus : Not happening

3:19am

Sam.F : Please? For me?

3:19am

One Invictus : Negativity is the soul's natural defense against heartbreak, it's automatic.

3:20amSam

Sam. F : But there is more to life than heartbreak.

3:21am

One Invictus : Like what? Everything is likely to end up in heartbreak.